Worse. It’s me. And even worse than that, I didn’t do it to myself. I did it to my younger sister. I’m still ashamed. Not of the bangs, which weren’t that bad at first. But of my panicked attempt to remove the evidence by cutting them all the way off. The cover-up is always worse than the crime!
If you’re interested, here’s what happened in more detail.
Our family went on vacation for a week one summer, and my sister and I decided it would be fun if, when we returned, we pretended to our friends across the street that we were a different family. Don’t overthink it—we certainly didn’t. So we needed a disguise for my sister. (I guess I thought my new vacation freckles were enough for me.) And that disguise involved giving her bangs. Which makes no sense, I know, except what about Superman? People don’t recognize him with just a pair of glasses. So maybe don’t judge.
I remember standing in our parents’ bedroom in front of the big mirror, wielding the Haircutting Scissors. I remember cutting my sister’s hair. I don’t think there was an actual stated rule against cutting our own hair. There didn’t need to be. It was just obvious that neither of us had clearance to be using the Haircutting Scissors on ourselves. Even cutting our dolls’ hair, which we did a lot (our bride doll had a crewcut, though she had the cheekbones for it), was frowned upon. So now I was going to be IN TROUBLE.
In that moment of panic, I made a snap decision. I decided that if I cut the bangs all the way off, no one would be able to tell what I had done. If you’re keeping count, this was the third bad decision in a rapid succession of them. Of course anyone could tell what I’d done. My sister wound up with a row of stubble across her forehead instead of some uneven but rescuable bangs.
Let’s just spare a thought for my sister here. School hadn’t started yet, so she had to begin a whole new year with the world’s weirdest haircut. I don’t remember much about the parental fallout, except that yes, I did get IN TROUBLE, more than my sister—the victim in my parents’ eyes—did. But when the bangs grew out a bit, they were actually pretty cute.